Defense Mechanisms Aren’t Flaws — They’re Functions
As a holistic therapist, herbalist, and relationship repair practitioner, I often remind my clients: defense mechanisms are not signs of weakness. They are brilliant, unconscious strategies your mind and body created to help you survive, cope, and feel safe in moments when you didn’t have other tools.
Think about it: the silent treatment might have once been a way to protect your voice. Overworking might have helped you avoid pain you didn’t know how to sit with. Even avoidance can be a form of wisdom when your system is overloaded.
The problem isn’t that you have defenses. The problem is when those defenses keep running the show long after the danger has passed.
Common Defense Mechanisms
Denial: Pretending something didn’t happen so you don’t have to feel it.
Projection: Assigning your own feelings or fears onto someone else.
Displacement: Redirecting anger or frustration at a “safe” target rather than the true source.
Intellectualization: Staying in your head to avoid what’s happening in your heart.
Withdrawal: Pulling away emotionally or physically to avoid conflict or intimacy.
These aren’t “bad habits.” They are protective shields. But if we want deeper relationships, healing, and liberated living, we have to learn how to soften them without shame.
The Power of WAIT
That’s why I created the WAIT method within Rooted Function Theory™. WAIT gives you space between feeling and reacting, so you can respond from alignment rather than anxiety.
Here’s how it works:
W – What am I feeling, and why?
Pause to identify the root emotion beneath the defense.
A – Anxiety or anger?
Ask: am I about to react out of anxiety, fear, or intensity?
I – Information.
What do I actually know right now? Do I have enough information to confirm the story in my head?
T – Time.
Give yourself time. If the feeling is explosive, you may need an hour or two. If it’s a smaller trigger, 10–20 minutes might be enough.
WAIT transforms reactivity into rooted response. It turns defense mechanisms into data — showing you where you’re protecting yourself, and where you’re ready to grow.
Moving From Defense to Liberation
The goal isn’t to eliminate defenses; it’s to shift their frequency. When you WAIT, you create space for clarity, compassion, and choice. Over time, those split-second reactions soften into intentional responses — the kind that build trust, intimacy, and healing connection.
Defense mechanisms once kept you alive. Now they can become doorways to liberated living.
Call to Action:
This week, try WAIT the next time you notice a defense pop up. Track how it feels to pause before reacting. Share your reflections in the comments — which defense are you softening right now?
